Singers Pray Twice

The following is an interview with my mother, Dianna E. Donahoe, which was prepared for a Music Appreciation class at Rogers State University. It turned out much better than I had expected and I wanted to post it up here and share it with everyone. Hope everyone enjoys this, this is probably my favorite writing piece that I’ve ever had the pleasure of doing.
Singers Pray Twice An Exclusive Interview with Dianna E. Donahoe
Prepared for Dr. Hugh W. Foley, Jr. December 8, 2002
Written by Michael D. Donahoe
Singers Pray Twice
I grew up in Eastern Kentucky with music all around me my entire life. Eastern Kentucky is probably one of the most influential areas for the music industry over the past few decades than anywhere else. Within a fifty mile radius of where I lived there have been such talents as Loretta Lynn, The Judds, Ricky Skaggs, Joe Diffy, Billy Ray Cyrus, and that’s just popular music, not even listing most Bluegrass talents were all from this area.
The popular music of most of the artists to come from this area was spawned not of its country music roots, but of its rich heritage of folk music that breathes in the area. Mountain Folk Music is the heritage and part of the deep culture that lies in Eastern Kentucky. This music has a purity, and long lineage of strong heritage that dates back hundreds of years.
I could think of no one person better to interview that has brought so much of this music into my life as well as done so much to keep this music alive in its purest form than my own mother, Dianna Donahoe.
Dianna, mom, has provided so much to this area to preserve its musical heritage and as well to grow herself musically as well. It is my great honor to provide the following interview, and a journey of a singer’s development.
How long have you been performing? I’ve been singing in public for about 39 years…
Who were your biggest influences to become a singer? My Dad was a very strong and stern man and never actually gave compliments to anyone. One day, he walked by me and I was singing as I worked in the garden, he stopped in his tracks, and turned to me and said, “You have such a pretty voice” I remember thinking “Well, it must be true, if he said so…”
Your father passed away at a very young age; did he ever get to see you sing on stage? He came to the first folk festival I ever sang at, he was very proud.
How did you come to be performing Mountain Folk Music? When I was a child, my sisters and I would sing together for fun, not much else to do then… The songs were old, and unique, at least I would learn later. We all went to a small grade school called Bonanza, spelled like the TV show, where they would teach us many of the old ballads. The grade school was 1st through 8th and had maybe 50 students. We had great teachers there, which were very educated and dedicated to preserving our heritage as well. Plus, I have a good memory for music and how it should be sung, I learned a lot from the people that lived around us then as well.
Later, I went to Alice Lloyd College and we had had a thing called evening vespers where we all gathered in a hall to eat and talk. One evening, someone asked if anyone knew “Red River Valley”. No one stood up, so I very nervously raised my hand, and then sang it. When I’d finished it was very quiet and I thought I had done something wrong. It was the first time I’d sang solo in public before. Then someone very special told me they were astonished by my voice…Mr. Grender, the Choir Director, who we all referred to as “Pappa Grender”. He then took me under his wing after that and insisted that I join the Alice Lloyd Choir. Pappa Grender was very impressed with my voice, he even wrote, “The Ballad of Alice Lloyd” specifically for me to sing when we would tour the country to perform in places like Boston, New York, etc. He encouraged me to sing my way; the “Hill” way, I think he is possibly the first person to make me believe I was talented.
You have a very powerful, almost operatic voice, how did you ever come to discover you had such power in your voice? When I was a girl I would go up on the hills, and sing as loud and hard as I could. I wanted to hear the mountains echo and ring as I sang, and they did.
How did you get involved with the Folk Festivals of that area? The Kentucky Highland Folk festival was originated by Ms. Edith James and Ms. Kathryn Frasure. Edith called Alice Lloyd College to find choir students that were willing to sing at this festival they were arranging. My name was given to them and I went to audition for Ms. Edith. After I sang she was jumping up and down with joy because I sang with the older styles, she called me “her treasure”.
Edith was heavily involved with music other than the festival wasn’t she? Edith was a music teacher in the area then and had a great involvement with her dedication to preserve our type of music. She has a collection of Folk Music ballads that are held by the Smithsonian Institute for preservation of our music.
You have not only been a performer at the Folk festivals, but you have also planned many of the Jenny Wiley Folk Festivals that later became the Kentucky Highlands Folk Festival, as well. What prompted you to get involved with the business side of the festival? Actually, the Jenny Wiley Folk Festival and the Kentucky Highlands Folk Festival are two different festivals. I’ve been associated with the Kentucky Highlands Folk Festival since the beginning, both as a performer and later as the Director. Our festival was once held at Jenny Wiley State Park at the Amphitheatre. The stage was actually built for the festival. The Kentucky Highlands Folk Festival is the oldest ongoing festival in the state of Kentucky. Anyway, the Ky. Highlands Folk Festival always had a committee that planned the festival each year. A few years ago, I did not hear from anyone, and in checking found that when Ms. Kathyrn Frasure, the long time Director became ill, the committee had dissolved. There was not going to be a Festival anymore…I could not accept this, so I stepped in, contacted the performers, booked the Amphitheatre, and had the Festival that year. I continued for a few years following.
I recall when you were planning the festivals, there being a lot of different varieties introduced to the festival such as some more modern styles such as Rob McNurlin, as well as traditional sounding styles as Marie Baily, and also Scottish bag-pipe music as well. Why did you decide to add so much diversity to the play list?
I think that the music should be varied…there is so much talent here in the hills. Our music is more than just one type of style or sound and has such rich heritage and culture added to it. I think the really old country and western music, from the 30’s & 40’s, like what the group “Mule Band” who plays at the festival is something you don’t hear anymore. The traditional folk music, like my ballads, reflects the people who settled here….strong, intelligent, and talented people from England, Scotland, and Ireland. This music was preserved in almost the original way, because the area was so cut off from the rest of the world. There weren’t a lot of major highways built through this area until just recently. That isolation helped a great deal in preserving the influence of our music from our ancestors. What you have to understand is that the people of this area come from a lineage of land owners, the land was granted as reward by the King. It also has lineage of many Irish that immigrated to America in the late 1800’s and settled here. I get angry when people think of us as dumb hillbillies, or as uneducated, or barefoot buffoons. These people have such wonderful heritage that is probably more preserved of our European ancestors than anywhere else in the country. Along with that heritage, we carry a great influence on our music. I enjoyed letting people easily see that similarity by seeing Scottish bagpipes being played. They played a lot of what we consider our songs, which actually came from Scotland, Ireland, or England.
Rob Mcnurlin does music that showcases some of the influences from the old time music. He grew up with this music around him and it clearly is a part of him. He writes original music, but it is done much in the style of the old way.
Why did you decide to no longer plan these events? The Festival has been taken by the Mountain Arts Center…I still help plan it, and contribute, but there are professional people who can plan the Festival. It does take more than one person. I want it to continue as long as possible. The Mountain Arts Center will continue to have the Kentucky Highland Folk Festival for years to come as well. They’ve been given a very large grant to help preserve our music. They do that through continuing the festival of course, but also by going to schools and giving demonstrations of the music.
What do you see as your limitations as a singer? I cannot read music. I was told by Edith James, who again was very well trained in music and taught music, that if I were to be trained musically I would have lost the unique mountain sound.
Do you think that was true? I think it’s possible. I think that’s what happened to Edith, she saw that she had lost some of the purity in her way of delivering music that she wanted that preserved through me.
You were much more formidable then, but what about now; do you still believe that learning music would change how you deliver the music? I think no matter what our styles change whether we like it or not. The music our ancestors brought over changed because of all that influenced them here. They had a much more rugged lifestyle and did not have a lot of instruments initially; it made them sing much of the ballads a cappella, which sort of made much of the folk ballads we hear now. I think I’ve changed the way I sing them in subtle ways since I’ve started. I still sing in much of the same way, but there are still some differences.
I think teaching styles have changed since then. Probably so.
What is your favorite Mountain Folk song, favorite to sing? Gypsy Rover is my favorite…My favorite to sing is ‘Cruel War”, they are both such great stories.
How do you see the Folk music will be preserved for future generations? There are many programs now that teach our heritage in schools such as music, storytelling, which is also a big part of our heritage, crafts, etc. I believe it will be passed on through our children. I’ve had both of you {my sister Suzanne and I} both perform at the festivals on stage with me. I had your sister sing “Lotti tu dum” with me on stage; it’s about a mother and a daughter talking about the daughter getting married. And of course, you’ve sang “Long Black Veil” with me on stage a couple of times.
You’ve been an active participant of the Holy Family Catholic Church Guitar Group for, many years. Often just referred to as “The Good Times Group”, can you tell us a little about the group? We have been together so long that we know when the other person will breathe. We have wonderful harmonies. There is a lot of talent in this group. We try to be supportive of each other.
Prior to singing with the group you always sang a cappella, do you find singing in accompaniment with other singers and instruments limiting? Sometimes, yes, I love to let the notes soar, and do my own thing. I like the harmonies we do too though.
Do you find it more difficult or easier singing in a group? It is more difficult. When you sing with a group no one should be heard above the others, fortunately I get to sing the melody. We listen to each other, and do the song as written. There are many that touch my heart, because of the beauty of our blended voices.
Which types of songs do you like better? It depends on the song. The old hymns such as “Amazing Grace”, “How Great Thou Art”, and “In the Garden”, I like to do my way but there are many that we do together that are terrific.
What do you like best about singing in “The Good Times Group”? They are my best friends, and my singing partners. They are almost my family. I am very close to them and their families.
You sing a lot of older, traditional religious ballads, which as I recall weren’t often sung in the Catholic Church prior to you joining the group. The songs were always considered “Baptist” songs. Can you describe some of the differences in the music in each of those denominations? When I first went to the Catholic Church, I think I was amazed that there wasn’t a lot of singing. In fact I don’t think it was considered very important. It is now, or is at our church, although there are many in the congregation who still won’t sing. In the Baptist church I grew up in, the hymns were sung with great enthusiasm, with a piano being played so hard you thought it was going to walk right out the door. There was a big difference between that and the Catholic Church. I have learned to love some of the old traditional songs of the Catholic Church as well. There is a calming way to them, and the chants are wonderful.
Are there similarities? Some, many of the old ballads come from Gregorian chant. There’s a song called, “The Primitive Foot Washing Song” that is sort of a pure form of Gregorian chant that has been passed down generation to generation. I know about one verse of it, but to my knowledge it has never been written down.
How well was singing “Baptist” songs received initially by the congregation, clergy, and fellow group members? The people at Holy Family really love the old songs. Most know them, and will actually sing along. The first group I joined did not encourage solos. It was considered egotistical to put yourself in front of the congregation. The group I sing with now, “The Good Times Group” embraced the music. Recently, I brought in an old Mountain Hymn. We are all very eager to learn it. We are at our best singing harmonies as well as a cappella, I’m sure it will turn out very beautiful. There were some clergy that were initially resistant, but they came around as well. We prepare a lot each week to find out what bible readings are going to take place and what the message is going to be for the Mass. Then, we pick the most ideal songs to fit that Mass and arrange the music to suite certain moments during the mass. The songs we pick have to be the perfect ones, so they might be old traditional Baptist songs, or a group hymn, or something new. It just depends. I know the congregation loves the music. I’ve never heard people applauding the music in a Catholic Church until our group came along and now it’s not that uncommon. To me this means we’ve touch their hearts. I think now, in almost all Catholic Churches, you’ll find “Amazing Grace”, “Precious Lord Take My Hand”, “How Great Thou Art”, in the Misselets. I think it’s wonderful.
Do you think the group had something to do with the change in music in other Catholic Churches? I don’t know, maybe, maybe not. Times have changed, but our group is awfully good. We feel the message in the songs, the music makes us all more spiritual.
When the priest does the Eucharist he chants, is it difficult to blend the two different styles of the group with instruments with the chanting music without there being a clash in styles. I think it goes very well together. When Father chants he is basically singing a prayer. The same goes with us during the hymnal. We sing and then everyone prays. The songs themselves are prayers as well, that’s why I try to put all my emotion into it. When I sing, “In the Garden”, I picture myself being there with Jesus in that garden and I see everything taking place, almost like a movie playing in my mind. So during the hymnal, as singers we get to pray twice. We are blessed to have been given this gift.
What is your favorite religious song to sing a cappella? I know you think I will say “Amazing Grace”, which I do love, but my favorite is “In the Garden”….My dad loved to hear me sing that one.
What is your favorite religious song as a group? “How Can I Keep From Singing”, it lifts me up every time we sing it.
Let’s talk about some of your songwriting. You have within the past 4 years begun writing lyrics and some music. I guess the question is, of all the time you’ve been in music, why so late in trying this endeavor? I have always written poetry, which is lyrical, but I could not find a way to put my music to paper. A friend helped me do this, I would record it, and Kathy would then arrange it for me.
What prompted you to start? I think that after I adjusted to my children being grown, and gone, I thought more about what I had been putting off doing, so now that I have time…here I go…
Have you considered having your original music published? I have a copyright on one or two. There is one that is wonderful. I probably should.
Have you thought about putting together some recordings of your original music and favorite ballads to sell or have produced? I would like to have a tape made for my family. I’m not sure about selling them.
What do you see as being your next step in music, what would you like to try? I think I should take piano lessons, or write more music. I really do enjoy that.
Can you describe briefly what music has meant to you throughout your life? Music makes me happy, and sad, it touches my heart like nothing else can. But most of all, it has been a joy to me. Everyone wants to be special. My music has always allowed me to feel special. When I can touch someone else with my voice or song there is nothing better.
Any last comments for our readers? There is so much noise out there in the world, I feel so blessed that there is music as well.
12/29/2002 Mom Flatwoods Comments: Michael, I just read the interview again…I think I need to add…you make me feel special…Don’t know why I’m crying right now, but thank You again.. I think you will write a great novel someday…love, Mom
12/28/2002 Ed Dilks Linwood, NJ Comments: Nice interview and writing about your Mother, Mike. You have a gift, follow it. I knew your Mother sang, but not to the extent that the interview brought out. Good luck and keep it up Dianna. From your Yankee friend in “Joisy”.
12/24/2002 Jim Seidni Poquoson,Va. Comments: mike realy enjoyed your interview with your mother and had been to mass with her and your dad and had the pleasure of singing with her during mass.keep writing
12/22/2002 Barb Prestonsburg, Ky. Comments: Touching interview with your Mom Michael. I remember those wonderful times too. Great job guy.

The Music of My Home

The following contribution is a paper that I’ve submitted for a college course of Music Appreciation. Unfortunately, I wrote this really quickly because of cramped due date that I wasn’t aware of, like a couple of hours. I really thought this would be a course that I would find extremely simplex due to my love and background of a lifetime with music all around me. The course has opened up a great deal of breadth to what I find wonderful about music that I didn’t see before, however, nothing as beautiful as what I’ve known my entire life. I wrote my first essay for this course in tribute to the music I love the most, a music that has blessed my life. I am blessed by this music because of a greater blessing, my mother. Thanks mom for the music in my soul. 9/22/02
Written by Michael D. Donahoe
The Music of My Home
Through my lifetime there have been few musical experiences that compare to my being able to attend the Kentucky Highland Folk Festival. The festival previously called the Jenny Wiley Folk Festival, used to be held at the amphitheatre at Jenny Wiley State Park. My mother has performed at these festivals every year since she was 19 years old. I couldn’t tell you exactly how long that is for its part of the forbidden knowledge for me to ask, however, it has been my pleasure to attend this festival every year through my youth. I try to attend as much as possible these days. This festival to me is more than just a yearly concert. This festival has outlined my very love for music, it has helped shape my youth, and has carried me during periods of my adult life. Now, the music from this festival calls to me, it gives me sanctuary from a distant stressful life, and it carries me away from wherever I am to the Eastern hills of Kentucky, home.
During the 70’s bluegrass music was extremely popular. The festival brought in along with traditional Mountain Folk singers and players, a wealth of talent of bluegrass bands to add to the mix. I was just a child, and my mother was a performer, so this gave me, so I thought, an exclusive back stage pass to run wild through the practice areas and stage passages. The festival for many years ran for 2 full days. The amphitheatre to me was the highlight of the history of the festival locations. The stage itself set in a bowl shaped area. A large rock steep incline covered in trees, shrubs, and vines, was the backdrop to the stage. This backdrop offered acoustically, perfect reverberation and added amplification to the performers. Behind the all the rows of seats were wooden platforms that held the lighting for the stage. The cool misty September air just added to the atmosphere of the surroundings. A light fog would cling to the side of the mountains and the lights from the stage would light it up. You felt as though you were in the middle of the woods in the mountains and somebody placed a huge stage, and a few hundred of your friends just showed up to watch a concert. It felt that way, because that’s exactly what it was. The amphitheatre sat in a valley surrounded by mountains in the middle of the Jenny Wiley State Forest, next to Dewey Lake.
All of the music was wonderful, but some of the singers sang folk ballads a cappella, the world just seemed to stop. These old timeless ballads had lyrics that sang of hard times, love, war, and depravity. They were sung with great strength and heart, and the surroundings that made up the amphitheatre made the songs real. Many of the songs incorporated the beauty of nature, or the hallowed eeriness of the fog covered mountains or the graves of the dead. You heard all of these lyrics and the scenery complimented the songs perfectly as night came on, the fog would just lay there on the hills. It was almost like hearing ghost stories, and you were in them. The echo the mountain backdrop provided as the singers belted each note and sustained those notes would literally stand the hair on the back of your neck. The entire audience would be deathly quiet, and as a cappella singers paused for breath between verses, a pin drop could be heard across the entire theatre.
During the 70’s and 80’s, John Skaggs would perform such ballads as Shenandoah. John, each year, would wear a vintage black tuxedo with suspenders. He had a long flowing gray beard and hair like Santa Claus and he could hit every note with perfection. His voice was warm and deep with wonderful clarity. He would sing old Irish ballads and invite the audience to join him.
My mother was and is another one of the great a cappella singers to grace the stage. Of course in my opinion, she’s the greatest. Her voice is almost operatic in comparison and strength. She’s sings in a relatively high octave and with such immense power. The years the festival was held at the amphitheatre were my favorite just for that reason. She would sing with her voice echoing across that valley and you felt an angel was singing Amazing Grace to you. She sings “In the Garden” and you feel God touching you. She would sing “Long Black Veil” and you felt the feelings of being haunted as she sang of a man’s story from the grave. She would sing “The Gypsy Rover” and you fell into the story of lovers who were forbidden to be together by her father because he was poor. Each of these ballads, reinforced by the natural surroundings, played out a movie in your mind and you desperately went through the emotions of the characters in the songs lyrics. Each time, even after I’d heard the songs a million times, each time.
Homer Leadford still performs today; he played at almost all of the festivals I remember over the past 30 years. Homer makes acoustical wooden instruments as his living and is one of the finest in the world. He makes such instruments as mandolins, guitars, banjos, dulcimers, fiddles (violin if you’re from anywhere else) and is an expert in playing all of them. Homer is more than just a musician; he was something of a performance artist and story teller as well. Every year he plays the same act and I never get tired of it. When I hear that he’s performing I light up like a little kid with anticipation. He would begin his act with playing a comedic style song with a guitar. He would then claim that he wanted to play a song with his brand new fiddle. Then he’d open up his case and have really puzzled look on his face, out would come the bow, and then with the other hand, a wood saw. He’d play on the act of what a terrible mistake he’d made, and then figure he wouldn’t be defeated and then strike the bow across the wood saw and begin to play “My Old Kentucky Home” The wood saw when played this way (if played correctly) has a high whining sound. It makes a similar sound to someone rubbing there finger around a wine glass and producing a high pitched note with a deeper harmonic from the vibration of the crystal glass. The does the same thing, only the note can be changed by bending the saw and thus changing the frequency of the vibration of the saw. Homer could hit every single note with perfection and it would sound almost extra-terrestrial with great beauty. He would then pull out a wooden puppet that rested at the end of stick and would rest on its feet on a small board that sat under his leg. As Homer would pick the banjo and tap his foot, the wooden doll, duly named “Dancing Jack”, would tap dance and swing its arms and Homer played fast tempos and complex chord progressions on his banjo.
Mary Baily attends every year as well. She played the hammer banjo and sang with a hard twang. Admittedly, when I was younger, I just had a tough time with that type of music, along with the hammer dulcimer. Mary would play classic tunes such as Barbry Allen, every verse. There is over 15 verses as I recall in this original ballad. As time has progressed I long to hear every last verse of it, her voice and raw sound and unsteady tempo, remind of the old traditional singers of the hills of KY. The sounds of immigrant influence crossed with old Southern Baptist Gospel sounds and melodies. It breathes of tradition and heritage of Eastern Kentucky. It brings me home.
There were many bluegrass acts through the years. I would peruse the backstage and listen to the players practice before they got on stage. They would run through complex scales and riffs with great speed and would combine in melody the guitar, banjo, fiddle, mandolin, and stand up bass. Each song would show the musicians’ expertise with the instrument in how his or her timing had to be perfect in the way they interchanged each chord with picking out different scales between changes. Each chord had to be played in perfect unison by each instrument and this would be completed at what seemed the speed of lightning. You could barely see their fingers moving as they went so fast, yet the harmonious fast pace rhythms sounded perfectly sweet as the singers would harmonize at different vocal octaves on top of the music. Songs like “Fox on the Run”, “Rocky Top”, “Orange Blossom Special”, and “Blue Moon of Kentucky” were all staples in each of the festivals.
Some of my favorite memories of the festival are of more recent years as well. There are a host of new talent that sings explicitly the older traditional songs and many now that produce original music in the traditional styles. I believe one of the individuals that broke that ground was Rob McNurlin. Rob took traditional styles and crossed them with sounds of newer folk music such as Bob Dylan and Arlo Gutherie, with cowboy styles such as Johnny Cash and Hank Williams, and put his own twist to them. Rob has played for years at the festival and has always provided an originality that seems to bring something new to a traditional genre. There have been many since that have followed his lead and are expressing a wonderful creativity to the sound of the traditional folk music.
There are individual experiences at each concert that I could have written about, but this brief compilation of memories, specific to the amphitheatre are the dearest over time. This paper doesn’t even cut the surface of how rich and beautiful this music is. There are funny antidotes and unique experiences that I have gotten to take part in or see that I will never forget.
I have lived away from Kentucky now for about 10 years. My trips home become less frequent each year as my job, my travels, my growing older place ever extending distance between my home and myself. But this music is rare, and it lives and breathes with the emotion and heritage of its performers, and it’s mine. When I hear it my heart always flutters, and I ride every note as it carries me back to my youth in the mountains of Kentucky. The music lives and breathes within me; it is the music of my home.
12/2/2002 Dianna aka
Comments: Michael, this means a lot to me…Thank you , Love, Mom

Wedding Bells

As many of you may have already heard, Sherri and I eloped this past July 6th. We had an amazing time in the Smoky Mountains, complete with a small wedding chapel in the mountains, a secluded honeymoon cabin to ourselves, and just the natural beauty of the area. We watched breath-taking sunsets, skipped rocks in a mountain stream, watched a mother bear and her cubs playing in a field, and generally had a wonderful time.
It’s only fair that I express what we didn’t do by the fact that we eloped rather than having a normal wedding. We didn’t spend hours of anxiety worrying about if all the details of the wedding would be covered, we spent 3 hours. We didn’t spend tons of money on a reception hall and worry about what to feed everyone, we had a steak dinner for two. We didn’t spend months trying to figure out what the perfect dress and tux we should use, we spent an hour and rented the perfect ones. We didn’t spend a month of worrying about who should be invited, where they should sit, that person doesn’t get along with that person, we had just ourselves. I could go on, but you get the point.
I wonder who came up with all of the wedding traditions that are involved with a full blown wedding. Seems like you have to buy everyone an expensive gift, you spend a fortune on a cake. It’s a cake, nothing more than a cake. Then there’s dinners, flowers, clothes, and blah blah blah. Uggh! It’s disgusting. Fun to attend, not to plan.
Weddings in the 1800’s, which I assume most of the traditions were perpetuated from, didn’t cost thirty grand. People then, didn’t take out huge loans to get married. The fact is, getting married has become a huge business with huge market potential. There are wedding that happen every day, that bring together middle class families that rival the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Di. Why? Suckers, that’s why. Victims of marketing and salesmanship, all propelled by telling you it’s tradition. It’s self-made tradition for the good of the industry if you ask me.
There is a good side to this I suppose. The simple fact that because of all of this, places like Vegas and Gatlinburg exist, you can ever whatever kind of wedding you want in a day. It’s big business there. The rental shop had over a thousand dresses for her to use for less than a day. It worked beautifully. The fact of the matter is, we didn’t spend a ton of money and we shared one of the most beautiful, memorable experiences that I will always remember. When I saw her come down the aisle, I felt like I’d just seen her for the first time. She was exquisite and beautiful and heavenly. We held hands and exchanged vows and looked into each others eyes, I wished the moment could have lasted forever. She smiled, and laughed, and a tear ran down her cheek, as I fought back choking up myself. It was extremely intimate and beautiful experience. We didn’t feel any pressure from being the center of attention, it was just me and her and the eyes of God, and of course the preacher and some lady handing out Kleenexes. So if you are planning a big wedding, my suggestion is one of common sense, elope! Enjoy what the wedding is truly about, the union of man and woman before God. Anything added to that are side items that will cost ya’.
Sincerely,
Michael D. Donahoe

Cell Phones Driving Us Crazy

Remember the days before cell phones? In my business, it has been required for certain people to be able to get in touch with me at will. So prior to cell phones, I carried around a pager the size of a garage door opener. If someone should call while I was ranting and raging in traffic, I would have to pull off into God knows where to find a pay phone to call with a calling card that cost something like 30 cents a minute. Generally, it wouldn’t be a business call which would further my already perpetuated frustrations.
Today, cell phones have made that portion of life easier, I think. I can call anywhere with free long distance and fortunately, and yes, unfortunately, anyone can call me at anytime. All of this without the inconvenience of pay phones.
New York passed a law about a 8 to 10 months ago that said it is illegal to use your phone while driving a vehicle. This was due to a large amount of accidents that occur as people try to talk, chew gum, and operate a 2 ton mass of steel moving about without much attention of the operator. When this law came about, it pissed me off. It seemed like a few bad apples had just started the wheels of justice to run over those of us that were responsible and attentive drivers. Other states were sure to follow suit, and since have.
I have to give testament to my own shortcomings in this regard as well. I currently drive a Jeep Wrangler. One of the best all-purpose vehicles ever made. I love the rag-top, the 5-speed, pretty good power, and the camaraderie of other Jeep Wrangler drivers is really cool. However, due to some freak of nature, people never call me on my cell phone when I’m going down a straight stretch of interstate. They only seem to call when I’m in a turn, in traffic, shifting from 1st to 2nd, while I have a coiled cord running from my cell phone to the cigarette lighter to charge the phone, all of this and I’m smoking a cigarette at the same time. And of course, I feel obligated to answer the phone while juggling all of the pre-mentioned tasks. People, do not try this away from home. I am an experienced, Jeep drivin’, cell-phone talkin, gear shiftin’, cigarette smokin’ professional. Actually the point being, this is not a safe practice. Now, I didn’t start this rant to tell you all of my faults, I want to tell you everyone else’s. Everyone listens to the radio and drives. This doesn’t seem to be an issue of distraction. Why is it most people lose all sense of competency when they have to talk and drive at the same time. If someone is sitting next to you, do you just go stupid when you drive. NO! Most people can manage to talk to the person next to them, they just can’t seem to talk on a phone. I don’t understand how some women can put makeup on in traffic, but cannot figure out what it means when the damn light at the intersection is for when it turns green. Or even worse, how people can manage to drive a car and successfully be able to find something in the glove box on the passenger side of their car, yet when their on a phone they will ignore a red light through a busy intersection. Tell me how it is possible that people find it so distracting on dialing a phone. Why do you have to look? All of us have used the telephone since we were practically old enough to talk. The f*&king numbers are still in the exact same place - they haven’t been re-arranged just because it’s a cell phone!
So is the solution to outlaw cell phones in the car? I personally will break that law every time my phone rings, I guarantee it. There are many options now available for cell phones, voice dialing, speakerphone, ear buds with microphones that plug into your phone. So why not make it mandatory to use such things. I think by doing so, it would eliminate some of these idiotic errors people seem to make because they forget what the main objective is while driving. “Avoid all objects whether moving or stationary.” I also believe if it were mandatory for the use of hands-free devices while driving, that car manufacturers and cell phone manufacturers would develop devices that would help this situation. Why not, we have a capitalistic society, God bless us for it, if someone can make a buck on something that is worth buying - make it, they will come.
Well, I must now close, I just received a call on my cell phone. Therefore, I don’t want to steer this conversation in the wrong direction. (I know that line was stupid, but it’s a little funny, right.)
Have a good one, and for God’s sake be careful out there.
Michael D. Donahoe

Veiled Justice

I read this one today and I thought, oh brother, this is ridiculous. After bashing the Democrats last week it’s time to poke fun at the overly-conservatism of the Republicans. This week’s spotlight is on John Ashcroft, our Attorney General.
Within the forum area of the Justice Department building are two Roman-like statues. One of a man, The Majesty of Justice, and one to the left, a female statue - The Spirit of Justice, called by many, “Minnie Lou”. Now Minnie is sporting a Roman Toga that covers the left half of her body but leaves the right, top portion hangin’ free. That’s right, her right headlight has the high beam on for everyone to see.
Now, this has been sort of a ploy or joke within the Justice Department reporters for some time. When former Attorney General Edward Meese released his final report on his commission on Pornography. The reporters grabbed the opportunity to shoot a picture of ole Ed holding his report high with one hand and good ole Minne’s boob seemed to be resting on his right shoulder.
Well, it seems there has been quite a few pictures lately of John Ashcroft with Minnie in the background showing us the finer points of Justice. Ashcroft has grown pretty weary of it and has now ordered that the statues be draped. Mind you, that it being our wonderful government, it cost $8000.00 to cover Minnie. It must be the finest Armani Roman Toga that money can buy.
I know that Ashcroft is supposedly a very conservative and deeply religious guy. But….so what! When did religion come to be against art over the human body. I would like to bring to evidence Exhibit A, the Statue of David. Nobody has complained for centuries about ole David’s wanker hangin’ free. People around the world, religious or not look at this statue and think of what a work of art it is. So why is Minnie under such scrutiny. Well, it seems like as most conservative bastards, they have a hair up their ass about things they can’t comprehend. This country is just amazing, we are regarded around the world as “over-sexed Americans.” Yet, this is the only country in the world that someone gets offended over an aluminum work of art. Get a life Ashcroft, ya’ freak!
I haven’t seen the new “drapery” over Minnie, the Spirit of Justice, but I’m going to get very worried if she’s sporting a full robe and her head is covered, showing only her eyes. Maybe if we ever catch Bin Laden, Asscroft can get some style hints for Minnie. Give me a break.
God bless America, God bless Minnie!
Michael D. Donahoe