T-T-Trying t-t-to q-q-quit s-s-s-smoking…

Sometime just before Thanksgiving I went on the patch. Stage 1 of the patch is not so bad, it is a little rough not to smoke, but that really does help. Then comes stage 2, I thought I was going scratch through my shirt trying to activate the nicotine on the patch for about 2 weeks. I swore that some of the patches were defective. I used up stage 2 and I knew stage 3 would be horrible. It first starts with 28mg for stage1, then 14, for stage 2, and who knows what stage 3 has. It seems no store sells it although every box has it on there, that you need it.
There’s nothing more frustrating than driving from store to store at 7am in the morning looking for a nicotine fix. “got to have my stuff man” Such was the case yesterday morning. I think the makers of Nicoderm and everyone else must think you’ll give up before you get to stage 3. “Yea, the final non-smoking stage is not our top-seller”, I can picture it in my mind.
Thus, I went to the nicotine gum. This stuff sucks!! My jaws feel like their going to break. I just have one question to the makers of this Nicorette a la leather your selling. Why is it so f*&cking hard to open?!?! Each individually wrapped, sealed, and a tiny hard to get a hold of tab to pull, is just freakin’ great for shaking hands.
I just called in my prescription for Zyban…
- to be continued -

Welcome Back Discovery

The Space Shuttle Discovery landed perfectly today in Florida. This is a huge sigh of relief for everyone watching and certaily for NASA. A lot of talks about scrapping the shuttle program with 16 more missions for the International Space Station are still pending. A lot of political banter surround whether government funding should be cut off completely for the space program.
I realize it may be difficult for some to see the full benefit of the space program. We spend a great deal of tax dollars every year while some would claim the money could be better spent on feeding homeless people or some other nonsense. I think what many fail to see is that our space program is a not just a tribute to us as a nation but a tribute to the purest sense of what mankind can accomplish through innovation.
Hat tip to the Discovery crew for bringin’ it home!

Nth

Throughout my life and travels I have seen and experienced things that could amaze and confuse most anyone. After many years I suppose I’ve grown to a feeling that, well, I’ve seen it all. I hadn’t.
On March 20th 2006 by far the greatest miracle I’ve ever known entered into my life and my life is truly blessed beyond any capability of my imagination to conceive. Johnathan (Jack) Emerson Donahoe, my son was born, my life will never be the same and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Now I’ve heard millions of stories about child birth and how wonderful it is, how painful it is for the mother, and how unforgettable it is. I guess I would hear this from folks and just sort of write that off as ramblings of a crazy parent who are not trying to capture some sort of sanity as their child is tearing the restaurant apart. I was wrong.
My Uncle Phillip asked me before the delivery whether or not I was going to be present during the delivery. I told him I was and he said, “Great, I look forward to hearing about your experience.” This kicked off a bit of nostalgia for me thinking of when his son, Phillip William was born. Uncle Phillip called the house and talked to my mother and was balling like a baby himself, “He’s the most beautiful baby in the world!” My initial thoughts were ‘Wow I have a new little cousin!’, ‘Wow, Phillip is a dad!’, ‘What, Phillip was crying?’ See it may be me, but Phillip had never seemed like the “crying” type. In fact, he sort of seemed like the kind of guy that could set there and watch somebody club puppies and never even flinch. I’m not certain but I think I have a memory of him as a teenager cheering when Old Yeller died. Maybe I just made that one up, but my point is he’s not the crying type.
Well I understand perfectly as to why now. To witness such a miracle is overwhelming. I laughed, cried, and looked at my wife in such a unique and loving way. As she was going through the height of delivery and was screaming and clinching my hand so hard I thought it would break, I felt helpless. I felt like there was nothing I can do to make this pain go away. I thought if this child ever back talks his mom, I’m going to slap him silly. I thought, I really owe my parents an apology for something, for what I’m not sure, but I know I do.
As Johnathan came into the world I kept taking in air. I just couldn’t believe what I had just seen. It was the most surreal, beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed and he was an angel put on earth. Immediately I was worried about him, he came out not screaming and crying, just kind of laid back and breathing kind of heavy. I thought oh hell, he’s got high cholesterol. He was fine, we got him to the table and after snipping his cord and he started screaming bloody murder, loud enough to deafen 3 rooms away. I thought, ahh, he’s going to be a singer or an orator, I’m so proud. When we set him in his mother’s arms I thought my heart would burst right then and there. That would be about the second time I had cried I guess.
The following couple of weeks were wonderful and difficult. I recall in the height of my partying days of getting home a 3 a.m. and back up at 7 a.m. to go to work and…sort of getting through it. Well, I now understand the pressure of folks wanting you to have children while you are in your twenties instead of the backside of thirty something. That ‘no sleep’ reserve tank ran out of gas a long time ago, or so I thought. The first two weeks was like having your body in a Chinese torture camp and your mind in Heaven, or maybe it was the other way around, I don’t remember. Part of this I suppose is my own fault. Everyone tells you over and over, “Sleep when he sleeps.” It’s impossible, he’s too cute when he sleeps, you have to stare at him. After the second week was over and Jack started sleeping about 4 consecutive hours in a row during the night, Sherri and I noticed the dizziness went away. It’s been getting better and better as we go.
Jack is now starting to smile and do little baby giggles. I don’t care what’s on your mind, it is wiped clean with pure joy every time you hear or see that. Since Sherri was pregnant I’ve worried myself sick over what kind of father will I be, how will we afford this, insurance, day care, SIDs, on and on and on. There is so much to worry about, but as I hold him in my arms and he stares me in the eyes and smiles I have the greatest moment of clarity in the world. Being a father isn’t a burden by any means of the imagination. It is a new beginning not only for this small child, but unto myself. You are filled with immeasurable hope. love, patience, and understanding. This child is a part of me, a part of her, and the world is brighter for it. There is no limits on love.

The Misguided March of the Penguin

The infamous mascot of the operating system Linux, is the notable cartoon looking penguin. All I’ve heard for years is how wonderful Linux is. Well in my opinion, it’s awesome, no - wait it sucks, no - now that I think about It’s pretty darn good… hmmm, no on second or third thought, it’s really not that great… Actually, I don’t know…let me think about it some more.
Here are some anonymous quotes from friends and acquaintances that I’ve met through the years and their thoughts on Linux:
“I have a Linux server that hasn’t needed rebooted in 2 years.” “Linux is the most stable environment.” “IT’S FREE!” “You can do everything you can do on a Windows machine only it’s more powerful and stable”
Everyone touts about its stability and it’s low cost, so in 2002, rather than going with a free version I bought a copy of Red Hat for about $45.00, and installed it on an old 500 Mhz laptop. Well, about a month ago I finally got the dang thing hooked on to the Internet. By this time, I’ve lost the registration code, so much for any updates.
Finally, after a recent laptop meltdown - an Alienware 2.4 Ghz, running Windows XP Pro. I then realized that I did not have the money to purchase a new laptop, so I decided to give Linux another try. I purchased Linspire (the operating system formerly known as Lindows) for $50 and dropped some more memory in my clanky old, but still surviving, laptop. I was very impressed, Linspire, is very easy to use, it comes with tons of free software. For the first three weeks, I swore that I’d never use another Windows machine again. Why pay for upgrades after upgrades after upgrades, spending tons of money on software, when all of this good quality open source stuff was right here, costing me nothing. Upgrades…cost nothing.
This was all crushed as I discovered that although there is tons of open source - free software available, main stream software makers such as Macromedia, do I dare say, Microsoft, doesn’t make didly squat for Linux. No Itunes, no Dreamweaver, no Photoshop, no Frontpage, no Quicken, none of them, only cheap renditions.
I now have a Windows XP desktop, a Red Hat Linux desktop that collects dust, and a Linspire laptop, that… well I use to surf the Net and check email with, that’s about it. It made me really wonder about the legitimacy of “open source”. Now, according to the legions of open source lovers out there, and I’m half way on that band wagon, the Internet should be open and usable to all user regardless of hardware, and well, yes..free. Source code of software is open, not proprietary, so that development can be done by the masses for the enrichment of all users, not necessarily for a quick sale.
The problem as I see it is that the opposite has occurred. Is it really “open”, well yes and no. Lots of people design software for Linux. However, good freakin’ luck installing it. Perhaps my opinion, but you shouldn’t have to have a degree from MIT just to be able to google. What I’ve found is that, things are easy if you buy a package Linux such as Red Hat, Suse, Linspire, etc. However, they have on their sites tons of software you can download and it all works with ease and no pain. But, if they don’t have it, don’t venture onto the Internet and try to download something unless you are prepared for a real hellish education on computers. If they tell you a specific video card or network card works with their software, get it, and nothing else or you’ll lose sleep for sure. You’ll find yourself following directions like, “Go the /root from your console and adjust your chrome config file to access the proper domain, if it’s not there than you need to adjust the DNS lookup file” …and it goes on and on. It took me 2 months to find the console, to which I had to learn 200 commands to try to log in, finding out that it had to be on the root login, which I had not idea what the password was and chrome….what…what the hell does this mean… Then try to figure out what a dns lookup to a domain of computer that isn’t on a network or even hooked to the Internet. It reminds me of Steve Martin talking about the French as talking about Linux from a long time Microsoft user,” It’s like those bastards have a different word for EVERYTHING!”
My point is that when I get software for Windows, it will work on all of my Windows machines. If I have software on my Red Hat Linux, then I have to wait for it to come available for distribution by Linspire for me to get it on my Linspire machine. It’s just not as easy as surfing the net and going, “oh that program looks cool, I think I’ll download it.” No, if you do, it’s an all-nighter in computer software design getting pac-man to work.
Now I’m not trying to knock Linux for the sake of everyone feeling comfortable with their Windows. I think the practices of Microsoft is not that commendable. There hasn’t been a good Microsoft operating system since DOS 3.1. All windows suck, and now we are holding are breath for Vista, the newest version of Windows soon to come. Promising us….well, all we ever know is it’s supposed to be better. I’ve been thinking about this and I’m trying to figure out what has been better about Windows XP Pro vs. Windows 95. I still haven’t really come up with an answer to that.
Yet, for that past 10 years every single time Bill Gates puts an upgrade out there I’ve bought it. From Win3.1 to Win3.1.1 to Win95 to Win98 to Win98SE to WinME to Win2000 (sp 1,2,3,4) to WinXP Pro to WinXp Pro SP2 to now Vista. Office 4 to 5 to 97 to 98 to 2000 to XP to 2002 to 2003. Bill didn’t become the richest man in the entire world from being naive or stupid, I have come to discover. Each new upgrade tasks your computer harder, you upgrade or buy a new computer, then continue with this upgrade-go-round, until your computer takes 10 minutes to move the cursor, then you start over again. Why is Linux more stable than Windows, because it doesn’t change every year to suck your money away. The incentive is slow, cumbersome, but get it right and move to the next thing.
The next thing… Where would Linux or any Open Source product be without Windows? My guess, you’d still be getting all excited about your high score on Pong. The fact is, Open Source will never lead the way in software, it only tries to emulate the competitive market. However, it doesn’t make sense for a user to have to spend that much money every year for a slightly more 3-D effect on their icons. If all you do is surf the Net and check emails, play a game here and there, why are you paying so much for Windows, makes no sense. If you are a business, and your employees’ computer requirements are word processing, internet browser, excel and email - I have a $300 solution per employee that will last them 5+ years without any additional investment in upgrades. Close the Windows and come outside - march with the penguin. Otherwise, I’ll see you at the computer store standing in line - V is for Vista.