For the Record, Don’t be Evel!

***

Speech given at Gulf Breeze Toastmasters, July 2018.

***

The year was 1979, I was about 11 years old and I sat at the top of the hill on Tacoma Drive. Tacoma Drive the neighborhood in which I grew up was a small middle-class neighborhood full of starter homes with young adults and children and retirees.  It was a dead-end street and I’m sure for many that live there it felt like a dead end. However, for me and my friends, it was a wonderland. At the end of the dead-end street was over 130 acres of a wooded area where me and my friends lived like The Lost boys. And in the 70s there was only one rule for kids be home before the streetlight turned on, before dark.

I sat at the top of the hill on a hand-painted blue Schwinn bicycle. Wide handlebars, banana seat, and bent rims. This wasn’t my bicycle, I’d already destroyed it, so I was borrowing my friend Chad’s bicycle. We decided the world record for the long jump on a bicycle was the equivalent of 13 folding lawn chairs, the reclining kind. And with my palms sweating and my friends overlooking with their palms sweating I was going to break the world record and definitely break the neighborhood record.

I’ve done some calculations thanks to Google in the modern-day Internet there is actually a bike jump calculator on the Internet. And by my estimation I would have to reach 28 mph, a height of 8 feet, and airtime of one and 1/2 seconds, in order to clear a distance of 60 feet.

So you may be wondering at this point why a young child would be so brave, so daring, so stupid as to risk his life to jump 13 lawn chairs. I have to attribute that to at the time my hero, my inspiration, the one and only Evel Knievel.

Evil Knievel was a daredevil, a stuntman, who pulled off daring feats. He would jump school buses, the fountain at Ceasars Palace, which did not go well, and the snake River. I had an Evel Knievel action doll complete with a motorcycle and a rocket car. This inspirational person once was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and Johnny asked him, “is there a bone in your body you have not broken yet?”  Evel replied, (held up his left pinky), “Just this one.”

So down the hill I go peddling my friend’s Schwinn as fast as I could. His rims were warped, so the bike shimmied almost uncontrollably. Undeterred I rounded the bend on the hill in a full lean, possibly going faster than I ever had before. My friends' eyes were as big as saucers.

I hit the final straight stretch and gain the last bit of speed and when the bike hit the wooden ramp it made a loud snapping noise. And in the air I flew.

There is something special in a young boy’s life when he gets that first thrill seeking adrenaline rush. You never forget it and you’ll never outmatch it. Time slows down and it might be the happiest moment you ever feel. That burst of adrenaline, the feeling of the air across my face, how the blood felt coursing through my body, the tight grip on the handlebars, how blue the sky was, I remember it perfectly to this day. It was beautiful.

As I mentioned before that moment couldn’t of lasted more than one and 1/2 seconds but it felt much much much longer. But like all things what goes up must come crashing down. The landing I took can only be explained by the visual of Evel Knievel crashing at Caesar’s Palace. I landed hard on my back wheel and then flipped landing square on my back, well bouncing square on my back a couple of times. I can also remember to this day how it felt to have the blacktop remove the skin from my back and how it knocked the air completely out of my lungs, and how it felt to hyperventilate. Then seeing all my friends hover over me and instead of trying to help me were cheering my conquest as I gasped for air.

I thought about how I would close the speech. I thought I’d reiterate the title, for the record don’t be evil. To tie-in the dangers of having a hero as a stuntman. I also thought perhaps I close this relating how I hope my kids don’t do the crazy things I did. However, I have to leave that just for the record. Truth be told as I look across my life I’ve made many leaps metaphorically, physically, emotionally, and mostly stupidly. And the truth is I don’t regret a single one of them.

I’ve made some very huge mistakes but it was always in payment to the greatest moments of my life. So for the record, don’t be Evel, but between me and you the prudent never see the exhilaration of this wonderful, breath-taking life, so between me and you, enjoy your flight.

Self Defense Against the Risky Business of Life

***

Speech was given at Gulf Breeze Toastmasters in June 2018.

****

I was recently in Colorado for training in being a Krav Maga Instructor.  It was a very challenging physically, emotionally, and physically, as well as mentally.  Once in a while we would have a classroom like session and discuss different things such as principles and one that stuck out to me was the idea of the Timeline of defense to an attack.

The first stage in the timeline is can you AVOID.  If you are walking out of the mall and there are a couple of suspicious characters hanging out near your car, you can just avoid and walk back in the mall and wait.  

The next stage is lets use the same scenario, you don’t think they are all that suspicious and you walk closer and they begin moving quickly towards you.  You can use PREVENTION and yell loudly for help and use a defensive kick.

Lets now say with the same scenario, you see suspicious characters near your car, you ignore it (fail), you walk towards them, they move quickly towards you and you don’t yell (fail), you don’t kick them (fail) they are close in so now what you punch, hammerfist, palm heel strike and yell, right!  Ok so you don’t do that then, you failed to avoid, you failed to prevent, you failed to fight, the person now has you in a choke hold or has their hands over your mouth.  You must REACT immediately.  Next is the ground, next is ultimate failure, you are injured severely, in some way possibly even death.

The closer you got to zero on the timeline it meant that you had failed to act or did not recognize the need to act sooner than later.  

As I watched this I thought about the correlation between what was being talked about and in Project Management what we refer to as Risk Management.

As a PMP, a certified Project Management Professional, part of coming up with a good plan is determining risk and how will you manage through risk.  

The first rule of managing risk is:

AVOIDANCE - if you can avoid the risk then by all means be evasive.

SHARE or Mitigate - In self defense we yelled for help to call for assistance.  In business, we can try and find others to help absorb the impact of risk.

ACCEPT - If you can avoid or mitigate the risk you have to accept it you have to now prepare for what comes next.  A hurricane is coming, I can not avoid it, I can’t share it, I have to accept that fact, now what!  In Self Defense, we call this part Decision and Reflexive Action.  We decide to take action and our first movement is reflexive in nature.

Once we accept we CONTROL the Risk.  We do this using a loop called PLAN-DO-CHECK-ACT which is recursive in hailing the risk.  We make a plan, we do it, we check how we do it (does it work) then we act (make changes if needed) if changes are needed repeat back to Plan.

In self defense we call this the OODA loop.  In invented by an Air Force Pilot to increase pilot responses by being more efficient.  OODA stands for Observe, Orient, Decide, and ACT. So we have observed we are in a bad spot we have begun a reflexive action and now using our techniques are slightly modifying it to a defensive action, we are deciding, then we are defending with action.

Now let’s talk about LIFE.

Life comes at you with lots of problems.  It is in its very nature that this happens.  It is because we have let small problems grow into larger problems, it is because of errors in decision, it is because of things out of our control completely due to nature.  But we can easily look at problems much in the same way as we do Risk Management and in the same way as the Defense timeline.  In both case we are protecting ourselves against life’s adversities.

First when we see a problem in the distance.  We can defend against that problem by Avoiding it completely.  We can make a choice that will steer us in another direction.  I think this person is not good for me, I’ll end the relationship.  Maybe I’ll not have that next beer before I drive home.  Typically intuition is the best defense to avoid failure.

Next we know the problem is coming so we safeguard ourselves ahead of time.  We are preventing a assured negative outcome by planning ahead.  We buy insurance, we put the shudders up over the windows before the hurricane hits land.  This is the time where we have avoided procrastination in order to not fail in life.

Next we know we have a problem it’s going to hit us, what do we do.  Maybe we share, call for help, we see if perhaps others can share that burden or can take that burden from you.  When I was a young man I worked in the field for several months with this old guy who was about to retire.  And he was an amazingly hard worker more than people half his age.  But I remember when we were particularly stuck on something and spending a lot of time trying to figure it out.  He called the support center who said they would dial in and fix the issue for him.  His exact words, “Great, a problem passed on is a problem solved!”  And he thought not another thing about it.  Very wise man.

Next on the timeline is when you have to face it yourself, we have failed at identifying the problem to this point or we have neglected any previous action.   Avoiding the problem is no longer an option.  At this point, you either accept the ramifications or you deal directly head on.  This unfortunately at this point is a reflexive action, we look for less intricate ways to solve a problem and look for quick and dirty resolutions.  I just got a speeding ticket.  I’m just going to pay it and be done with it. Could have been avoided, but it wasn’t…now you either use your gift of charm with the officer or just like me with little charm, just pay the ticket.

Finally, we hit what we call in Defense, the ground game. It’s never good to fight on the ground.  Some martial arts teach you this only, this is great but in Defense, we want to take care of things long before this happens.  But sometimes, sneak attacks happen or you have failed failed failed failed to do a defense and now you are in Survival Mode.  

What do you do!  You fight, you kick, you bite, you do whatever it takes to survive in order to get away.  Life is no different than that.  Sometimes we are hit with a pile of bricks out of nowhere.  The only way to get through it is to just keep fighting.  Keep your head above water and don’t give up!  No matter what, don’t give up!  Scratch, crawl, beg, borrow, steal, just survive.  

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow we learn from our failures of today and we face problems a bit wiser and with a bit more avoidance and with prevention.  Imi Lichtenfield has a quote and it’s the tagline of all Krav Maga, its, “So that one may walk in peace.”  It’s that we are aware of this timeline and know how to protect ourselves is what this refers to.  So to all of you in regards to life’s problems, may you have the foresight to avoid and prevent your problems, and may you also walk in peace.

Chuck and Andy, the Dynamic Duel

**

Speech was given at Gulf Breeze Toastmasters, March 2018

**

Chuck and Andy set facing each other on the banks of the Red River in Harrison Mills, Kentucky.  Both looked at each other with a steely glare, each had resentment in their hearts that they could not let go of.  You see words had been said, double-crosses had been dealt, both men felt cornered by their own pride.  This dynamic duo is not about a partnership, but about a very different thing  This is about one Chuck or Andy would in the next few minutes kill the other.  This was a showdown, a duel.  

The year was 1806 and dueling was illegal in Tennessee where Chuck and Andy were from.  They both traveled from their homes to meet in Logan County, Kentucky to put an end to a long-standing feud that had been ongoing for many years.  There on the banks of the Red River, blood was going to spill and someone was about to die.

Chuck and Andy were both horse breeders as many plantation owners in that region were at the time.  And of course, this breeding of horses revolved around horse racing.  And of course, horse racing revolved primarily for gambling.  So it was a huge industry during this time.

Chuck accused Andy of reneging on a horse bet.

You see Andy had made a bet with Chuck’s father-in-law for $2000 dollars.  That’s $2000 dollars in 1806.  That’s about $37,000 today.  Chuck’s father-in-law lost the bet and as things turned out there this confusion over who owed who on what notes.  So Chuck’s father-in-law owed a few people in this transaction and owed Andy $800 (about $2k in today’s money.)  

So Chuck sends a messenger to get the story straight from Andy on who owes what, and Andy being a bit of a hot head assaults the messenger.  Chuck then writes to Andy and calls him a “Coward and an equivocalor”  Then it was on!   Who the heck likes to be called an equivocator I ask each of you!!!  

Anyway, insults go back and forth via letters and finally, Chuck called Andy’s wife Rachael a bigamist in order to get under his skin.  This worked.   It seems that Andy married Rachael while her previous marriage had not yet been dissolved because Rachael’s previous husband had not finalized the divorce.  Chuck then had stated in a paper called the National Review that Andy was a “worthless scoundrel and a coward”.  

This did not sit well with Andy, known for his short temperament and he decided to have a duel with Chuck.  Andy sends a letter to Chuck stating, “I demand satisfaction due for the insults offered”  aka in today’s terms “Up yours, let do this!”

<sigh>

Here’s the thing.  Chuck is known across eastern Tennessee for his expert marksmanship.  He literally never misses.  This in no way deterred Andy, he was blinded by hatred towards his newfound opponent.  

So, there they stood.  Face to face, 24 feet apart from each other. 

I found this distance remarkable as a Krav Maga Instructor.  You see there is a ‘rule of thumb’ distance for gun disarmament that was determined by the Israeli Defense Forces.  If someone across from you has a firearm and is within 23 feet you can get to them and take their gun away using the proper technique (potentially).  That was 23 feet.  In 1806 the dueling distance was 24 ft.  Isn’t that interesting… As if this study had already existed.

So Andy and Chuck stood across from one another.  Dueling pistols at their side.  An official gave the count.  1 - 2 - 3.  BANG!!!!!

Chuck the expert marksman was far faster than Andy.  The gunpowder flash went off and hit poor Andy square in the chest.  Smoke rose from his jacket and blood seethed from his chest. 

BUT, Andy did NOT fall.

By the rules of engagement of dueling in 1806, if opponent C fires upon opponent A and opponent A does not fall, opponent C must stand in place until which time opponent A has discharged his firearm.  This is the law of the land and the great state of KY and that is just the way it is.  

It is said when Chuck, the greatest marksman in Tennessee at the time, shot Andy, and Andy did not fall, it is said that Chuck said aloud, “My God Have I missed him!”  He had not.

At this time, Andy drew his pistol, took slow and very careful aim at Chuck, and pulled the trigger.  The flint hammer stopped, half-cocked and by the rules of dueling did not count as an actual shot.  

Imagine that, you are in a duel, and by some miracle, the gun does not discharge from your opponent.  But by some crazy rules of dueling at the time, your opponent gets a second chance.  You don’t get to shoot back, you get to stand there - still.

Andy pulls his gun a second time, aims, and delivers a fatal blow to a major artery in Chuck’s chest.  Chuck died several hours later.  Andy would live.  The bullet that hit Andy broke two of his ribs and he would live for many years later but the bullet would remain next to his heart, inoperable at that time.  In fact, Andy by rumor survived over 100 duels mostly with people who insulted his wife, Rachael, as being a bigamist.

I bring this story to you as Andy has a significant history with our area… as well as this country.  In fact, every time you go to the ATM you are familiar with Andy.    Andy, as I call him is Andrew Jackson.  And Chuck is Charles Dickinson a Senator in Tennessee and the duel occurred prior to Andrew Jackson’s Presidency.  Andrew Jackson would later be a General in the War of 1812 and would liberate Pensacola and Florida from the Spanish government.  As it turns out in my research Andrew Jackson never set foot in Gulf Breeze and doesn’t have any affiliation to his own trail through the Naval Oaks Reservation.  Actually, that was designated by John Quincy Adams who should get more credit than Andy the equivocator. 

Elliott at Bat

There are a lot of great things about Gulf Breeze, but if you have kids, undeniably one of the best is the Recreation Center we have.  The sports programs for kids are just stellar.  Both my kids are very involved in the programs and are in an ongoing cycle of sports year-round.  

Except for Elliott this past Basketball season.  He had broken his radius bone in his forearm at the end of the soccer season.  In fact, it was at the celebration dinner party for his team he and his friends were wrestling on the beach and he landed wrong.  This led to me taking him out of Basketball season this year which was a huge disappointment for him.  

The previous baseball season was a bit rough for Elliott as well.  He got into a bit of slump with his batting and pretty consistently struck out.

Now with basketball season coming to a close, his arm fully healed, I received an email for baseball registration.  I signed Elliott up and thought I’d give him a leg up by finding a baseball camp and get him out of this slump and really lift his spirits.

I searched the Internet and found a camp that was starting the following week in Molina.  This was great.  It would be a little bit of windshield time to get the camp each weekend but it would be worth it.  

I know people complain about the miles involved with travel sports.  But one thing I’ve learned with my other son who is in travel soccer is that windshield time is awesome and good quality time that is hard to find at this age.  They really have no choice but to sit and talk to you for the hour or so drive, whether they like it or not.

The first day of camp.  Elliott went to bat and missed the first ball.  The coach immediately made instant corrections to his stance, his body mechanics in his swing, and other tweaks and after the first day, he was clobbering the ball.  I thought, wow, this is amazing in one day worth the price of the whole camp!!  Slump be damned, this will be Elliott’s best season ever!  

Thoughts danced in my head of Elliott hitting the ball over the fence in that crucial game and his team carrying him off the field on their shoulders.  He would slowly grab the bill of his hat and look my way and mouth the words, “Thanks Dad!!”

Each week we drove up to Molino.  We would talk the whole way there and each week his skills improved more and more.  I had such great hope for him.

Then we got word that Evaluations for this season would be held the Monday after our last session at camp.  This couldn’t work out any better.  I felt so happy for Elliott.  With a little work we had restored his confidence, removed his slump, I was the best Dad in the whole world and all was right with universe and mankind.  This was sure to be a great day!

Monday came.  As Monday’s go, it quickly became a chaotic mess.  My son Jack would start his goalie practices on the field near the zoo at basically the same time that Elliott would be doing his evaluation.  Elliott would have to go with his mother to the rec center because she wouldn’t get back from her mother’s in time to take Jack up near Gulf Breeze zoo.  There just wasn’t enough time.  I was going to miss the baseball evaluation.  I wouldn’t be there to watch Elliott take that mighty swing, the crack of the bat that would send the baseball to the heavens, to see that reward of the smile on his face once he knew he had conquered his fears and embraced the greatness that lies within him.

I got Jack to the Soccer field and after a dozen emails on assuring the time slot would be available for him, we found out that his team manager got the time wrong and we were not supposed to be there at 5pm.  Yes, that long drive through rush hour traffic, and leaving work early and going through the grief of having to miss Elliott’s evaluation was all for naught.

However, since we didn’t have to be at the soccer field, we could still make it back to the rec center by only breaking a few traffic laws.  Off we went weaving through traffic, roaring into the rec center parking lot, and jogging over to the field.  Just in time, he was walking up to plate in the batting cages.

Evaluations for baseball are quite a thing.  They process kids through a very tight schedule.  They have about an hour to hour and a half to evaluate every kid on how well they hit, field, throw and do this for hundreds of kids.  

Elliott goes up to plate the pitcher throws the ball and zip, bam, right past him.  The speed of the ball was much faster than at camp.  I thought to myself, it’s ok Elliott, set, step, swing like your chopping wood.  Nope, he looked at me and I saw it.  Fear.  He was nervous.  He doubted himself because of the speed of the ball.  I could see it in his eyes.  I had talked this moment up so much, now he looked at me like he was going to disappoint me and it added to this level of anxiety.  Zip, bam, the went by and hit the back of the cage.  Last one, knuckles forward, chop down Elliott!  The ball came in low, he ignored everything he learned and swung low and missed big.  

I could see at this point my presence was making things far worse.  I stepped back and he had a tough evaluation.  He got to plate one more time later and struck out.  His fielding was off.  When I got back home Elliott had locked himself in his room and had been crying for some time.  His mom didn’t know what to say to him.  On my way home I thought about all the advice to say to him on what he should have changed, but when I got him to open his door, he set there just kind of fuming to himself, very stern, and angered.  I grabbed him and put my arms around him and pulled him close.  This boy who was trying so hard to be tough for his dad, his shoulders wilted and his head tucked into my chest and he cried and sobbed.   

As I stroked his hair and could feel his body shaking as he cried his heart out, I knew how heavy this world felt to him.  I knew he felt like he was being judged by a thousand other kids and of course, I also knew that this was just a perspective that wasn’t the case and that this would be just fine.  The question is, how do I get him to believe that?

I spent an hour with him just talking about how we all need to face our fears in the face of anxiety, in the face of diversity.  it’s tough, it really is, to adjust your mindset in the midst of everything crumbling around you or seeming too is a life skill most of us in our elder ages are still trying to achieve.  I hoped that I was giving him some pearls of wisdom for his life ahead.  But, I also told him that everything would be great and we would practice ourselves with fast pitches to get him used to them.

This past weekend we hit the cages and I pitched a 100 times to him.  I could see he just need to adjust his focus and after a couple dozen pitches he was hitting 100% of them.  Not just hitting them but absolutely demolishing them.  I could see that confidence being restored pitch after pitch.  

I could see this boy on his way to becoming a teen soon. Soon he won’t need my advice, or rather he won’t want it.  Soon, he won’t let me hold him and protect him anymore.  Soon, everything I’ve ever said and tried to get through to him will just have to be enough and he’ll need to figure out how to Step, Set, and Swing through his tough times on his own.  But that’s later.  For now, I don’t know how his games will go this year, but I do know, it’s going to be a great season for both of us.